Please note this entire article is fabricated and of course complete rubbish. Thank you. It was in repsonse to the following sycophantic piece from Kevin Garside:
It was the final game of the 2012/13 season. It was the end of the Alex Ferguson era, an era that finished predictably with silverware, glory and with the rest trailing in their wake. As the West Brom game came to an end, a grey cloud moved ominously over the Hawthorns and a single drop of rain fell upon the turf. We could be forgiven for believing that Matt Busby had shed a solitary tear as he watched from above, content that the legacy of Manchester United had lived on.
Sitting on the bench, next to the imperious Ryan Giggs and the legendary Paul Scholes, two players who seem to have defeated time itself, sat a young man with a young face, who did not look out of place amongst his peers. Soon the world will hear a lot more about Adnan Januzaj.
On United’s popular message boards, there has been an orgasmic explosion of moist anticipation at the latest prodigy to roll off United’s over-worked conveyor belt. United have carefully nurtured Januzaj since kindly taking him off Anderlecht’s hands two years ago. Janujaz is special. With feet so quick he can create a sonic boom, he will mesmerize opposing players, twist their blood and leave them forlorn on the floor for decades to come. He is the link between past and present, he is United’s north, their south, their east their west. He is their working week and perhaps may be their Super Sunday best.
Over at the Etihad, where oil money rules and excessive splurges on fashionable players is the norm, Manchester City’s own prodigal son, Denis Suarez, a man with Archimedial levels of precision and a Socratereal reading of the game, will be quietly shuffled off to Barcelona having been blocked from the first team by Mancini’s under-achievers. No one will blink an eyelid in Abu Dhabi, where PR and short-term gains are the priority. They know nothing of the prodigious talents of a young David Brightwell.
Across the borough, as David Moyes settled into his new role, sat behind his mahogany desk, surveying his new empire built on toil, sweat and dreams set amongst the stars, he will have felt a quiet satisfaction that his fruitless pursuit of players was done with the knowledge that the answer to his problems was already at the club. This may explain why United walked away from targets with a dignified silence. The future of the club is in safe hands. With Sir Alex Ferguson’s guiding hand planted gently on his shoulder, metaphorically and perhaps literally, Moyes knows that he has what he needs already. And United, unlike others, know when to walk away, head held high, dignity intact.
United are not an ordinary club of course. Are they even a club at all? No, more of a concept, a state of mind, a freedom of expression woven into every seat and blade of grass in England’s premier club ground. Edvard Munch, Francis Gruber and Ramón Castellano de Torres would be at home on the banks of the Bridgewater Canal.
And as the ground-staff finished off clearing the pitch after Rio Ferdinand’s emotive testimonial on Friday night, a solitary dove swept down from the heavens and settled near one of the goals. A cynic might suggest that it was looking for food. The more romantic of us, those that have experienced this club’s rich history woven onto the tapestry that is our heart or something, might speculate that it had sensed something special on that hallowed turf. Tales of glory, of fulfilled dreams, the roar of the Stretford end as they swayed as one, roaring on another young hero. Now it is Adnan Januzaj’s turn. He steps into shoes that have ruled the world, organically. And like those before him, he is ready, as Moyes’ Marvels begin a new chapter in a glorious history.
“As soon as Manchester United showed an interest, I knew where my destiny lay,” said Adnan yesterday. “You do not say no to such an opportunity.”
The man spookily born precisely 1000 days after United’s first trophy win under Alex Ferguson says all the right things off the pitch, but is letting his feet do the talking on it. The future, as always, is bright. For at the Theatre of Dreams, young stars shine brighter than anywhere.
Adnan Januzaj was speaking as a Nike ambassador, part of a Mahee promotional day.
Mahee – proud to be Manchester United’s official noodle partner in Asia.