What can we expect from Super Mario next?

Date: 26th August 2012 at 12:22 pm
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Mario Balotelli He seems to attract headlines like Sergio Ramos attracts yellow cards, but love him or loath him, Mario Balotelli has certainly brightened up the Premier League in the short time he has been with us. Already attracting a massive reputation both as a player and a cult hero, the striker Mourinho deemed ‘unmanageable’ kicked the season off in trademark style – well off the pitch at least – with a trademark prank, yet compared to ones he has been allegedly involved in over the years, it was nothing.

The player has been involved in multiple kiss and tell stories, which range from him keeping girls busy until the early hours of the morning and emerging from his mansion looking ‘exhausted.’ Well allegedly at the very least, or as I am sure we all remember the stories of him putting on girls makeup and heels for another of his ladies. The forward not only scores on the pitch but far too much off it too, meaning that not only did his declaration of ‘ti amo Rafaella’ fail dramatically after many, many, many indiscretions emerged, but he is involved in a ‘who’s the daddy’ saga with the aforementioned glamour girl that would rival a ‘who shot Phil Mitchell’ if Mario’s denials over paternity are to be believed.

Girls are of course by no means the only thing the player is becoming famous for, and after running up yet another legendary bar bill on his summer jollies the player who claims he does not really drink is certainly becoming renowned for being quite the party boy. Balotelli being Balotelli doesn’t just have parties involving alcohol and girls, at casa Mario, all social gatherings go off with a bang – literally.

It would take someone with Wenger’s eyesight not to have seen the headlines that the impromptu display of fireworks inside his house caused – right before the derby day and biggest game of City’s season of course. Mario asked us all a very public question during the game of ‘Why Always Me?’ and if the pervious sections of this article have not answered that question the remainder will certainly do so.

Clearly a fan of the festive period, not only does Super Mario visit the Christmas market sporting rather ridiculous hats but in true Balotelli never doing anything by halves style, he also apparently dresses up as Santa Clause and drives around in a car worth more than most people’s houses cost and hands out wads of money and rents out floors of the Hilton for Manchester’s homeless. It must have been a Merry Christmas for those lucky few indeed.

As the player himself will attest to, he can easily afford to splash out on such extravagant gestures, because as he told police who questioned who questioned why he was carrying such a large amount of cash in his car ‘I can do it because I am rich.’ He also has trouble working tricky cash machines and forgets his account details when attempting to buy a new car. Whoever said footballers had low IQ’s had clearly not met Mario Balotelli.

To boost his IQ even further, Mario decided to increase his knowledge of the world and its cultures by taking a trip to a women’s prison and meeting the Italian Mafia – maybe he assumed they could come in handy for some gentle persuasion in case Howard Webb’s love for United gets too out of hand. A women’s prison is slightly harder to comprehend – perhaps Balotelli wanted to add candidates to his harem of ‘girlfriends’ .

Of course there are many more incidents involving our favourite striker, the new Inter Milan manager will not forget his introduction to the media after becoming manager – given Mario crashed the press conference, and there will surely be many more to come both on and off the field where the player can infuriate us with stupid tackles and petulant behaviour, or shock us with world class performances just before breaking our heart crying after a huge loss, reminding us that he is just 22 years of age and still learning.